God Hijacked my Blog

I started to write a blog today. But then God took it away from me. I think it’s pretty obvious where He started writing. And I believe this is something He has for more than just me.

Jonah

I’ve always given Jonah a bad rap. Especially when I actually read the book and learned his entire story. Not only does he run away from what God asks him to do, but then when he returns to do it, he does it begrudgingly. Like sitting-spitefully-with-a-dying-plant-hoping-his-plans-failed begrudgingly.

Jonah. How I judged you.
And then something happened.

I became you.

God is asking me to do something. He’s asking me to pursue something I don’t want to pursue. He’s telling me to walk down a path I thought we abandoned. I called it surrender – He called it giving up. He’s telling me that He is good and trustworthy, and that He is bigger than my current situation. But I’m having a hard time believing Him. Im having a hard time believing that He’s going to keep His promise to me. I’m having a hard time seeing past the obstacles and my own fear and the potential detrimental outcomes.

I want to run away. I’m currently sitting outside, looking into the woods. I’ve momentarily contemplated running into them Pocahontas-style and not stopping. I want distance – to forget this situation even exists. What if I moved away? What if I went back overseas? What if I told God no?

No, God. Not this one. Not this way. It doesn’t make sense. I think you might be mistaken here. This can’t be my path.

Would He let me have my way? Or would He send a giant fish of sorts to bring me back? Would I forever regret my unwillingness to do what He is asking? To trust Him with the things most sacred to my heart?

So I have stayed. And I’ve so begrudgingly told God “Fine. I’ll do it.”

But much like Jonah, my yes has been half-hearted and I’ve secretly waited for the caveat, the back-door, the failure.

“Do you trust me so little? Do you not know of my great love for you? Am I not capable?

I speak to you of promises and you do not see that you are supremely worthy of those promises. That I have good things for you simply because I love you and you are mine. Mine, beloved! I want to do something You can’t, something you won’t believe. I’m telling you not so you will strive and not so you will anxiously wait, but so you can watch it unfold and see my goodness, my love for you.

You say that you belong to me, but do you trust me to write your story? You see, you may know where you are now and where it will go, but I already know every step you will take along the way. I know everything we must go through together between now and then. It is not going to be easy, my love, but I will be here. Trust me.

I want your heart. Trust me with it. Believe in romance, again. Believe in love. Believe in a story that is bigger than you can imagine.

Do you know what you are worthy of? Do you know what you mean to me? Let me whisper to you words of love. Let me shout from the mountain tops the joy I have in you, my beautiful one!

Seek my face. For when you are seeking my face, I am able to look into your eyes with my eyes of fire. And those eyes see only you. They get lost in your gaze. They do not see the mistakes you’ve made or your regrets. Not the brokenness you feel you can’t shake or the happiness you so quickly feign. I see you, and you are worthy of this path I’ve chosen for you. You are strong enough.

I love how I’ve created you. I revel in it! Don’t hide my masterpiece! Do not shrink yourself or make yourself less. And don’t you dare tell me it isn’t good enough.

You walk as one defeated, while I am already holding the victory. So yes, beloved, this. This path. This way.

Have peace, my love. Sit with me here. Find your solace in my love and your safety in my wing. This does not have to be a time of worry or waiting or striving. Instead it is a time for you and me. For our love story to develop in ways you never dreamed of.

Trust me. Keep walking this path. Just wait and see what I’m going to do.“