Look at Me
“What is the Lord asking you to do?” one of the Guatemala base staff asked me abruptly as a group of us grabbed lunch at a cafe in Antigua. “What is He calling you into? Because I think it is something big and you have leadership all over you.”
Gap Year, I thought, somewhat guiltily. The Lord had told me to pray about Gap Year a few months before, in a staff meeting. The Lord was clear but brief – “Pray about Gap Year.” It didn’t make sense to me at the time – I was no longer mobilizing Gap Year, and I didn’t want to squad lead. The fact that I hadn’t squad led disqualified me from being a mentor. So I had not prayed about Gap Year.
“I want to confirm the word we gave you at lunch the other day,” another Guatemala staff member told me later in the week. “Have a yes because something is coming. The Lord is calling you into something and you need to have a ‘yes’ in your spirit, ready to boldly jump in. You might feel underqualified, but He’s already given you everything you need. The past few years have not disqualified you. You are bold. You are stronger than you think you are.”
When I returned home from Guatemala, puzzling these words, God asked again – “Are you ready to pray about Gap Year now?”
But I wasn’t. I still didn’t have a yes. The only option that seemed like a possibility was squad leading – going back out onto the field for nine months with a Gap Year squad to be their on-field leadership. Saying yes to that felt like say no to everything else – no to my student loans that I am slowly but surely making a dent in, the community I have been building, the possibility of relationship and family. It meant walking away from everything, again.
“Do you trust me?” the Lord continued to ask. “Even if I take you back out of Gainesville, do you trust me to take care of you? That I have the perfect plan designed for you? Do you trust me to handle the details?”
It took a while to come to my “Yes.” It took realizing that I have loved my job as a mobilizer, but that it has taken me as far as it can in my vision. It took being able to actually put that vision into words. It took a sermon series at church about living your calling and a leadership development program at work. It took those words from my new friends in Guatemala. It took a hard week on the field with Gap I squad (the group I mobilized last year) to show me that I was capable. It took admitting my fears and repenting my distrust.
For someone who wanted to work on “immediate obedience” this year, my yes was slow in coming. But I finally got there.
Yes, God. Let’s talk about Gap Year. I trust you, no matter what you are about to ask of me. What do you want to say?
“Talk to the program director. I will take care of the details.”
Okay, I will. But she’s really busy and I’m really busy, so you’ll have to make sure that I have the opportunity. (so maybe I was only at about a 95% yes…)
The next morning, my small group met at Starbucks. I was telling them this story – the words I received in Guatemala, the thing the Lord asked me to pray for, the fact that I thought He might be calling me to squad lead, and that the Lord told me to talk to the Program Director.
As I finished telling them, she walked in the door. She was working from Starbucks that morning.
After small group finished I sat at her table and said “The Lord told me to talk to you about Gap Year, so here I am.”
“I don’t think this is a coincidence,” she stated. “We are hiring mentors this week. If you apply today, we will interview tomorrow.”
After three days, three interviews, and a lot of praying, I was offered the job of Gap Year Squad Mentor.
Mentor, not squad leader.
This means that I will be the in-office leadership, and head of the leadership team, for a group of about 45 college-aged students who will be going on the field for 9 months.
It also means continuing with my community in Georgia, paying off my students loans, and stewarding the things the Lord has called me to here. After finally saying yes to one thing, He opened the door to the role I didn’t even know I wanted.
I had disqualified myself from this position, because I hadn’t squad led. I didn’t believe I had the prerequisites or the qualifications. I said no for months. I was disobedient (and there were consequences). I put God in a box.
I am so thankful that we serve a God of grace and mercy and forgiveness – one who doesn’t give up on us when we think we know what we are doing, but clearly don’t. One who knows the desires of our hearts, and can move mountains to give us those things when they line up with Him.
On July 3rd, I begin this new adventure.
I have been congratulated, celebrated, and prepared for the hardship and challenge. Though there are a fair few nerves and fears, the two biggest things I feel are excitement and assurance. I know this is from the Lord – with everything He has said and done, how could I even doubt that?
And He promised me that He would take care of all of the details.
“Look at me. Just look at me and everything else will fall into place.”
I trust Him.
“God, I look to you.
I won’t be overwhelmed.
Give me vision to see things like you do.
God, I look to you.
You’re where my help comes from.
Give me wisdom; you know just what to do.”
– Jenn Johnson
One of the details I am trusting the Lord to take care of is fundraising. I have been blessed to have monthly donors for the last two years that have covered my fundraising requirement. However, with this new position and increased travel, I am now responsible for fundraising twice as much – $12,000 a year.
I still have $500 a month in monthly donations, and I am now looking to grow my support team!
In order to remain fully-funded, I need another $500 in monthly commitments. Will you pray about being part of my team?
If I can put a name in each of these boxes, I will again be fully funded in monthly donations! If you are interested in claiming a box, joining my monthly support team and helping to continue the work of Adventures in Missions, you can click the link on the left side of the page and sign up for monthly donations. If you have questions, please let me know! I would love to take some time and catch up!
For those of you who are not familiar with Adventures’ squad leadership, here is a brief (and probably generic) snapshot of my transition –
My squad will be made up of 40-50 18 and 19 year olds, and I will have 3-4 squad leaders that travel with them. I will also be working with the squad coaches (a married couple who help mentor the squad) and the squad administrator (the in-office person who handles logistics). I will be the head of the leadership team.
My squad leaders arrive for training on July 3rd, and my squad arrives July 6th! I will step into their journey starting at training camp. This takes place 2 months before they launch and they spend 10 days here in Georgia. We take them through team building, ministry training, and sessions where we talk about their relationship with the Lord and with others. We run them through different scenarios on the field. This is my first big act as a mentor. It’s when my whole leadership team will be here, and I will start running that, as well. I will meet all the squad which I will be mentoring and start building relationships with them.
In August I will be receiving training.
In September, my squad launches onto the field to their first country, Columbia, and I will actually be going with them for the first month they are on the field. I come home in October, but they continue on. I will meet up with them a couple more times, to do a debrief with them and spend two weeks serving with them on the field. In total, I could spend about 8-10 weeks on the field, in various places.
While I am stateside, I will be manning things from the office – meeting with my leadership team once a week (virtually), checking in with the squads weekly, handling any issues or decisions that come up, etc.
